Stillness in the Midst of Storm, Peace in the Midst of Trial ...

For some period I have been able to deal with the issue of confidence. I always had a problem with confidence and in my last few years of tertiary education, I have been able to address this and have improved by my own standards. This is a good thing and should not be mistaken as being proud.

As of late, all that I have done to work towards the betterment of my confidence have been threatened. At work, I am surrounded some that have pride as high as Mount Kinabalu (highest mountain in South East Asia). The effort that I put into my work has been the best that I can produce and yet it was dismissed as "sloppy". Not only that, I have been subject to a leader with unclear directions. This didn't make my learning experience in this new company any better. I struggle to find a footing in performing at a level that is my best.

Just today was I being commented of being "sloppy" even when the job was not mine. The weird thing is the leader should have reviewed the work. However, the leader already approved my work but when it went to a higher level, it was shot down. Somehow, being a junior I thought that I had some room to learn from my seniors. Apparently, my leader (a senior) didn't seem to be of much help.

I struggle with the thought of having produce a "sloppy" job. I realise I need to step up and stop depending on my leader and take the initiative to seek "perfection" in my work.

Another senior (also a fellow brother in Christ), gave me a good feedback and since then I am convince that I should face such remarks with determination to rise above it. I shouldn't be discourage because God has put me here for a reason and I ought to do my best not because of gaining men's favour but His favour.

This experience also convicted me of the importance for a leader to have a vision. Without vision and leadership, the followers would be scattered and walking without a guide. The following illustration speaks of the importance of having a vision:

"There was this motivator that was addressing a group of students about to sit for their important O-level equivalent exams. The motivator wanted to demonstrate the importance of having a vision/goal in life. To illustrate his point, he called a male audience to the stage. He instructed the male student to throw a soft ball that the he handed to the student. The male student threw the soft ball upwards.

The motivator thanked the student and invited another student up. This time it was a female student. He instructed the female student to throw the ball forwards, towards the audience. The female student threw it as hard as she could till it reached the audiences facing the stage. The motivator thanked the female student for her cooperation."

In this short narrative, a few things stand out in describing the importance of having a goal or vision.

1.) By having a goal/vision, one can achieve further. In the narrative earlier, the female student threw the ball much further than the male student because she knew where she is to throw it.

2.) By having a goal/vision, one is focused on a direction leading to the goal/vision. The female student had a direction to throw to. I imagined that if I were the male student and was asked to just throw the ball, I would be wondering where to throw the ball. I might just throw the ball in the opposite direction!

3.) By having a goal/vision, one would strategise to achieve the goal. There are several way of throwing the ball. The male student threw the ball upwards and we know this method of throwing won't achieve a good distance to the throw. I wouldn't blame the lad though, he doesn't know where he is to throw to. The female threw the ball in a baseball manner and that is the best way to achieve a good distance for the throw.

With this in mind, I am reminded that I ought to renew my vision and goal. I need to convince myself that I am here for a reason. God has put me here to impact and make a difference. With that as my goal and vision, God willing, I would be able to perform at my optimal level ....